Friday, July 22, 2011

Reflections: In case you've been wondering where I am

The reality that exists as it is is a treasure, is brightness, is a seat of truth... - Dogen

It's been awhile since I've written so I thought I'd report that I'm battling in the hell realms of tupor and resistance to what is. I admit I'm exaggerating, but not by that much. It is part of the truth. The biggest item on my list this summer, dismantling and dealing with the results of over twenty years of inattention and evasive maneuvering, i.e., getting our house ready to rent or sell, is like trying to climb a mountain made of scree. Until the For Sale sign is up though, I won't be free of this daily battle. And my own resistance or avoidance of the task will only cause me to lose ground.

Moments exist when I am free, for example zazen and when I'm concentrating at work. And I'm getting out on the water windsurfing at least once a week, my best record for windsurfing in more than a decade. I am extremely thankful for those moments. These are moments when "brightness" exists for me.

If I have a wish right now, for myself, it is to learn how to bring this "brightness" to my battle.

If I figure it out, I'll be sure to let you know.