Sunday, January 6, 2013
Where am I now?
I've always trusted in my own goodness. Trusted in the brightness of my own light.
I've also trusted that people would see my goodness and respect it. And I know some people do see it.
Those that don't, I've always figured they would eventually. Because I keep bringing understanding and awareness to what I see here. (Though I also admit I don't have the time to investigate all that's said and my view of the blogosphere is limited.)
I have high self-esteem, though I know it may surprise some folks given the difficult times I've faced and my isolation.
For unfortunate reasons, things didn't work out the way I thought they would when I started this blog. I have brought a tremendous amount of understanding, awareness and effort to that and to the people involved.
But some people have judged me due that failure and more people have judged me on account of the behavior of those others. A bit of a negative feedback loop.
I don't enjoy it. And given the difficulties I'm facing it doesn't help. I have and can bring understanding and awareness to it rather than be judgmental.
The fact that I've tried to bring understanding and awareness to the behavior of others has been used to judge me as being loose. And that's not true.
I still trust in my own goodness. I still trust in the brightness of my own light.
I still believe in the goodness of people even though that goodness may not always manifest in the way I'd prefer it to.
In case people haven't perceived it themselves, I have to point out that I'm still cutting off more of the few ways I express myself on-line to correct for the effects that the mistakes and the mistaken views of others have had. And, for what should be obvious reasons, I find that discouraging.
Posted by 真行 at 23:28